Home -Run

Having come back from one of the best summers Ive had till date, I'm suddenly at a loss for words. While on my way back here, and while I was in Ranthambhore, I'd thought of so many things I will write about once Im back.. but now, even though I can actually remember 10% of those topics, I have absolutely no will to write.. This whole withdrawal is a very terrible phase to be in. Especially, when the few people that can get you out of it, are very far away, and not around you. It's so weird because even friends (some of them) can't help in this case. Sometimes, people from the concerned field, who are close friends, are the only hope to get out of withdrawal. And that's exactly what this is about. Those weird wildlifers, are nowhere around.

I spent this summer in Ranthambhore, Rajasthan. And every single breathing moment of it, was worth the choice of going there. The moment of meeting friends again, and knowing that the next week is going to be full of fun was a brilliant feeling. A Gharial Expedition Team reunion! The Tiger Watch office, home to so many of us, the several "hang-outs" tagged as favourite spots in Maa Farm, and the anytime anywhere paths that lead into the wild patch in front of office.. Everyone was in their element.

The first 2 days, of preparing for the Conservation Leadership Course by Tiger Watch were quite enjoyable. Then came the running around. A massive sudden influx of participants happened, and right from distributing their rooms in Shani Vilas to making sure the rooms were all perfect, the air conditioning was working fine, the food, water, the course schedule... all of that, was absolute fun. Then the presentations, the frequency of crossing the road to go either into Maa Farm or into Shani Vilas was increasing by the hour. Divya kick started the course, and Rina gave it her over-rehearsed introduction very convincingly, and then, the Tiger Man himself stepped on stage, his pugmarks being followed by every individual's gaze, silence, all around, and Fateh Singh Rathore then spoke. This man is miraculous no matter how many times you hear him speak, because everytime, he's just as captivating as the last time.

The next 5 days, were, with all due respect, the craziest days. What with the park rides, the lectures, the presentations, slide shows, films, QUESTIONS!!![hint : if u dont know why this word is in capital letters, and you were there for the course, you need a new brain!] , and the fun.. it made the course one helluvan activity! The faculty was an interesting bunch of people. Right from the silent observer Jay to the ever so energetic Madhu Ma'm , and from Fatji to the man who IS the undoubted, unmatched KING of Ranthambhore - Doc. The course was more of an informal combined learning session where participants learned not only from the faculty, but also from each other! People like Hans, who have spectacular experiences, people like Ginseng and Bensen, who had come from Meghalaya with wonderful accounts of the wilderness in the North-east. It was a period of gaining knowledge and getting to know the intricate details of things that we either only hear about, or see on TV. Knowing about Anti-poaching operations hands on, from the man who leads them, is quite a blow out!

The visits to Ranthambhore National Park, on the 21st and 24th were periods of intense searching, for the striped royalty that softly walks the paths in the forest, the Tiger. The visit to National Chambal Sanctuary, on the 23rd, was my highlight, having got to spend my 20th birthday with the eyes and snout of a Gharial in the Goddess of all Rivers- the Chambal! :) I would have loved it if that Gharial had decided to surface a little.. but ah well, with all due respect to its "wild" nature and status, I'm happy she was THERE. :)

That night, the dinner that we had at the Pali farmhouse, was undoubtedly, the BEST dinner I've ever had. Scrumptious food!! All of Rajasthan in one meal!! The course, as soon as it begun, was over even sooner! All of a sudden, it was the 25th of May. And we were dropping participants to the station to board their respective trains. Suddenly, all that time spent with people from different places, different backgrounds, fields, was over! And it was bye-bye time. Luckily for the "volunteer gang" there was still that one nutcase called Hans Dalal with us. By then, we'd all become the mad core group. And then, on the 25th, everything suddenly changed.

During the ending and certificate ceremony, I got a piece of paper passed to me by someone who's name I shall not mention for her own safety. :) She had written - "Park in the afternoon?" All I had to do was look sideways and nod vigorously and my answer was pretty clear!! Smiles exchanged, no.of people confirmed, and gypsies booked! Zone 5 and Zone 4 is what we had. And since Zone 5 had been having all the Tiger sightings, everyone was rooting for Zone 5! So when Divya asked, who wants to go to Zone 5- ALL hands went up! :D [that honestly was hillarious] We got our cameras, binocs, what not, and some 5-6 of us reached the gate to find the Zone 5 gypsy packed n full! So we launched ourselves in the Zone 4 gypsy. All set. And my oh my what happened next was THEEEEEE point of NOT relying on "recorded sightings"!

Zone 5 people (as we now call them) , we were hoping, get to see what they're all so excited about. And meanwhile, our cool gypsy (hahahah.. had to do this!), was going through a brilliant patch of forest and I simply love that part of Ranthambhore. Zone 4!! No Tiger was ok.. but that patch is beautiful! And we looked left, and saw the sky in sepia tone. Literally, ALL brown. Sand storm. Huge sand storm was headed our way. And within 5 minutes, we were BANG in the middle of it. Dust coming from literally everywhere!!! I was frantically trying to keep the camera away from it, and honestly dont know or care about what anyone else in the gypsy was upto!

12-13minutes into that mad rush of dust and all of a sudden, we were out of it! Ok now here the background is important. There is an article further down in this blog, about Ranthambhore National Park, which has photos of a Tigress and her cubs. She is the Berda female, and those are her cubs. This Berda female, who was with me when I turned 19 last year at the exact same place, died in April 2009. I am obviously still not over that. But being in Ranthambhore, on Zone 4, brought back all those 45 minutes of memories. And we were headed exactly there! Berda. I wanted to see the cubs. We checked the first cave, zinch. Approached 2nd cave, and the driver n I say simultaneously- Tigers in cave!

The mood changes, and everyone is up n about, not literally obviously. Scampering and moving here and there to catch a glimpse of the striped beauty. And that's it! My two Berda babies! Sleeping away to glory. nose to nose. The female on the left and male on the right. They didnt even budge when we reached and we were the only gypsy there. After about 3-4minutes, the male woke up, yawned, licked his paw, went off to sleep again. The female woke up, did the same thing. Again the male woke up, and then he moved his head sideways and looked at us. The female got up, stretched, actually nudges the male, who also got up and then he climbed down from the cave, and came down, VERY close to us. [Im not mentioning the distance for obvious reasons]. And then, when he reached down, he went up to a tree, put his front paws on it and stretched! then turned around, and plonked down. Just sat! Cute kitty pose. Within seconds, the female was up, who by then, had been sitting at the edge of the cave watching us and the male cub. She climbed down too. And came to the male, they acknowledged each others' presence by rubbing their heads against each others'. And then the female decided to play Sherlock Holmes!

But before her investigations could begin, the male decided we were too close for comfort and snarled at us and once we backed off respectfully, he went n sat down again. The female cub then came up very very close, and there was fallen tree that was blocking her line of sight, so the curious cat that she is, she ducked under the log and looked to see if we're still there. She was so close we could see her eyes ever so clearly!! Those eyes!!! Oh my god!! I can keep looking into them endlessly! These cubs, both of them, have the most enigmatic eyes. So expressive!! Will never forget that stare. And just as luck would have it, my camera, decided that the battery wasnt charged enough to continue taking photos. So all the photos that I could have got from literally 6feet away, I didnt get. What I did get, is the damn experience!! Of BEING there, with those two precious cats, and watch them.. and feel so privileged to be there and witness their behaviour! Chuck the camera I told myself. Just see what you're getting to see!

In a matter of 24 minutes, it was over. 2 more gypsies had come. And we were going away. And my lens cap had gone missing! Everything had happened just like it always does in the wild - unexpectedly! You can NEVER know what it going to happen where. The wilderness decides what it wants you to see and what it wants to hide from you. You are totally at the mercy of Mother Nature when you pay her a visit. And that is what I love about my field. That there are other people, who respect and love the wilderness for these very reasons! This bunch of "mad wilders" are people who simply in love. In love with the wilds of India. In love with the unique wildlife of Rajasthan whether it be Ranthambhore, or Chambal, or Desert National park.. It is ALL part of one of the best wilderness displays that we have today.

Oh yes, and coming back to the Zone 5 people - they saw nothing!! :D Kudos to the chance takers! And while all this was happening, our anti-poaching star, Doc and Ruchik and Digvijay and Lakkhan the driver were somewhere 300kms away raiding a house in some village and discovering 7 illegal guns, a barn owl and a dove. Talk about under cover operations!

And in a flash of an eyelid, days kept running past us. 25th was over like that. 26th onwards, we were just the core group left .. back to the usual. A Nilgai had been killed in the "backyard" of Maa farm.. so we'd go check that out once a while.. and on one such visit, our man Ruchik called me and said in a hushed voice "there's a python here!" .. without bothering about what he meant by "here" , Suyash and I took off. Camera in hand, floaters hanging on to feet, we were rushing there! Once located, we saw the python had caught a crow pheasant and was constricting it. Lens cap off, and camera rolling..

Another snake experience was in Jhoomar Bawri when we were all in the jeep and Doc suddenly breaked coz a snake was crossing the road. Arjun and I jumped out. Doc said Saw-scaled Viper. And he kept the lights on the snake while I tried getting it on a stick. And whoa!! Russell's Viper!! [Sorry Doc... but we're pretty sure that's what it was!! Blotches present and no arrow shaped head marking] And then Doc made us feel like nitwits by saying, he's only once seen a Russell's Viper in Ranthambhore!! Well anyway, a bike was coming and we had to get in the jeep... by which time the snake had obviously gone off into the darkness..!

The list is endless. The list of experiences with Doc and these sudden sightings is honestly, endless. Right from the night "safari" on the morning of my birthday, to look for what I believe was a Leopard, but turned out to be 11 Hares and a Fox... But oh man... Have u EVER seen 15 people in one gypsy?? Now THAT is an experience! Have u ever hung on to dear life with a crazy person driving?? Have u ever felt like ur holding on to the car rod with ur hands and the rest of you is flying behind? Yeah well, that's how it all felt! Happy birthday to me indeed!! :D i LOVED that ride.. for its sheer adventure and the spirit of the people who were also, hanging on for dear life at various ends of the gypsy! :) Thats what it takes to be a hard core wildlifer! [Anyone taking that seriously, please re-consider being a wildlifer]!!

And so on the 27th, after a wonderful boat ride in Chambal in the company of a WII scientist, B.C.Choudhury, our Gharial team learned a lot from him and our hopes got all refreshed and spirits re-lighted..And again, all to soon, we approached the 3rd of June. It was the morning of our departure. Just like that, we were gone too. And somewhere, in the back of my head, I know that one fine day, soon enough, I will be back there to annoy the life out of Doc, and to add more such experiences to my already 20 year old life.

Some glimpses.. of the wilderness we saw.. arranged in a general order of relevance.

All in all... Summer of 2009.. a HISTORICAL summer!!

Wonder of wonders

Sometimes I wonder whether I really am related to Mowgli. For the most part that Ive lived in a city, Ive always felt so much strong dislike toward it. For the last many months, Ive been wondering whether I really am some kid who was raised in the wild and has thus developed a strong dislike of humans. But as much as I would love to believe that, it's not true. I was most definitely raised by humans. Sadly.

Sometimes I wonder whether the things I consider precious memories and important developments in life are ever important events and memories to someone else as well? So many times these memories, and these feelings aren't limited to just one person. So many times it's not just about me. There are other people involved in these small but significant eventful memories. So I wonder, whether any of those people ever think of them the way I do, or whether these rungs of the ladder of memories, hold the same precious position in the hearts/minds/lives if the other people related to/with them as do with me.

Sometimes I wonder whether friends are there so that by the time your life is nearing its end, you dont have to think of whether you lived a life worth all the pain you had to go through. I think friends exist because when this moment comes, and you're eventually looking back at how you spent the last xyz amount of time, inadvertently, you end up realizing that if you didnt have those friends is your life, you would not have have been smiling while going down memory lane on your last day.

Sometimes I wonder, why I make such strong distinctions between acquaintances and friends. Then I realize that if I didnt make these differences, and if I didnt follow them, I wouldn't know whom to value when I am in that "memory lane" situation. If I didnt choose for myself, those who would one day mean everything to me, then I would rather not walk down memory lane because I would probably not have those memories to look back at without friends.

Sometimes I wonder how is it that I am more attached emotionally and mentally to those wild habitats, and their wild inhabitants, than I am to my family, or to other human beings. This one I wonder about a lot. Why do I love animals and the wilderness more than anyone or anything? And everytime I wonder about this one, I end up putting a "to be continued.." sign in my head. I can just never find the answer to this question. The closest possible explanation would be that all the while when I was growing up, my experiences with human beings were so terrible that I subconsciously blacklisted the species forever. I spent so much time with animals, that eventually, I knew who my friends were.

Sometimes I wonder how some people just have the capability to walk into your life without any sort of warning, and sweep your right off your own two feet! And I'm very glad that this doesn't happen very often. Being swept off and landing with a thud isn't all that great. But strangely, as much I still think that mankind is the most atrocious species, in a negative sort of way, these "sweepers" always make me effortlessly love them for who they are. Those few absolutely cartoons who have managed to walk into my life and land themselves all those special places, are one of their individual kind, because without them, I'd just be one very very lost human being.

Sometimes I wonder whether Im the only one who wonders so much!! But then , I can confidently say, that I have reason to believe that each and every "Sweeper" in my life is entirely and equally weird. Deep down inside, I know the answer. And the feeling of knowing that once created, these fond memories, always stick with you, is an absolute divine feeling!

Coming Home Now

I've been meaning to write another article for quite a while, would write parts of it and save it as a draft without knowing that today I'll end up writing something totally different.

On the 11th of April, a Gharial and a Mugger were both found dead in the Chambal river, wrapped in fishing nets and both dead due to drowning. I could not help but storm into the blog that day and write a page full of slang but then, there was no point in pouring frustration out here. Channelizing it, is more important than pouring it out. A lesson learned the hard way. So well, there are no updates on the dead Crocs yet.

I've spent the last two days trying to the core of my bones to get a train ticket to Sawai madhopur from mumbai on the 16th of May! It's one freaking month away but thanks to vacation season, even the waiting lists are full up! So the rule of life, take what u get and shut up. Ticket for the 17th has been confirmed. Nothing to whine about. It's just that sometimes only you know why you want certain things the way u want them, and when they don't happen, it's like a failure that creeps upon you. It is deeply pathetic, to hear about the death of such gorgeous animals!

For someone who is not attached to her family, it is a blow to learn that a place you love, and animals you love are facing the brunt of what mankind has thrust upon their homes, and them as individuals too. I don't know if that sentence made any sense. But I don't care.

It's been a very long time since I first started complaining about how much I dislike living in this, or any other city. Fancy this : You firmly believe that life is very short, and that in all the time you've got, you need to do every god damn thing you've dreamed of doing no matter what people think. And you have never wanted to live in a city. It is just not what you would call "home". But life and it's circumstantial complications are just adamant! You want a degree, which you can't get in a jungle. You need money, which you can't get in a jungle. You want friends, which, though you can make in a jungle, won't be human. So you have no choice but to accept that "conditions apply".

I didn't ever think that I would practically carve the words "when opportunity comes, take it" on my hand! (In sketch pen!) Didn't know it meant so much until now. I feel like I'm sent out on bail when I get a chance to go into some wild habitat. And like I'm back in jail when I'm here. In this stupid city where people just don't care! Every month or so, I find myself waiting desperately for that day when I will get back to a place I can finally call home! And miraculously, that chance does really come every now and then. Sometimes though, that interim between "now" and "then" seems just a bit too long! And the excitement piles on, builds up, and by the time you're supposed to leave this cemented and demented city, half the excitement is long gone!

Now, my whole motivation behind writing this article has flown off somewhere. Also, one very important discovery Ive just made! I wanted to know the collective noun for a group of crocodiles. And the word is 'float'. A float of Crocodiles. A sleuth of bears.. Sheeeesh! They think bears are detectives!! Storytelling of ravens!! Who makes these things!?!?

Oh I just remembered that the whole point behind writing this, was that I'm very excited about what I get to do a month from now! EXACTLY a month from now, I will be back home!! :) With the people I love... :) a rare chance.. dived at it. Waiting desperately to get on that train to daaku-land. For a reunion of the Team G. To re-live some fabulous moments and to recreate some more! :D

Chasing Power

I am essentially as far from politics as possible to imagine. However, unfortunately for me, my country holds a very deeply respected position in my mind. And because politics is an integral part of the functioning of my country, it becomes necessary to have an opinion. Thankfully, I do have my opinion.

Just last night, while watching the news with my father, I saw Laalu Prasad Yadav say to NDTV's news reader, that this is a permanent alliance, and we are not after power or position. We just want to benefit India. This struck a chord somewhere in my head. Have you ever heard any politician say that he/she is not after power and position?

I have. So many times! How can politicians not be after power and position!? Then what could they possibly want from being in politics?? It's very shocking. And no, I'm not being sarcastic. I mean it. Just that, it's a case of gross misunderstanding.

According to me, every politician should be after power and position. In the reverse order. With position, comes power, and with that, the ability to CHANGE things. What politicians see as "power" is nothing but bullying. All they do is MIS-use their "power". I was just thinking, if I ever had to be a politician, I would have fought like crazy, campaigned like mad, JUST to get that position which would bring the power to me. The power to CHANGE things. To change the way children are made to beg and work at a tender age when they should be studying. The way people take the judicial system for granted, and how they presume that they can get away scott free after breaking the law. The way even Government officials take the law lightly. The way in which honest workers are neglected and pushed to suicidal acts. My idea is, when you have the power, instead of just sitting on a leather sofa that has probably been made from the hide of some poor animal, the person should use the time for which he has the power. This POWER I talk of, is something like a magical gift. It's a gift that's given to a "selected" bunch of people, whom we call, the 'ELECTED' bunch of people.

Those few who use this gift for the betterment of their folks, by which I mean, their fellow humans, they're the ones who are worth the test of time. They are the ones who can be entrusted with the gift of power.
I really would fight. For that power. To take it from those who have only ignored its real capabilities. To snatch it away from those who underestimate the consequences of misusing it. I think I would make an unfit politician. For there is only one cause I would passionately fight for. Wildlife and the Environment. To be a political leader, you must be passionate about all causes that need to be attended to , and fight and struggle endlessly, with dedication, and truthfulness. I would be passionate about just that one cause. Which would be unfair to the position, and that power.

That's probably why I chose a line that keeps me directly involved with JUST Wildlife and Environment. I know I have the brains, I know I have the zeal that if I even enter another field, I will do well. But unfortunately, not the passion. I would love to see my country progress. And frankly, up until its people have not become non-corrupt, self-less, thinkers, progress seems a light year away. I dont know how long a light year is. I just know it's very long! You cannot have progress in a country where the people, and their elected leaders, are all selfish, money hungry morons. If that was what was needed to be a good human being, George Bush would really have been a great person. :)

Unfortunately, for a lot of folks, you need much more to be a responsible progressive Indian. The people make a country. The people ELECT their represntatives. But why do we forget, that they are not God-sent miracles on Earth? They are JUST that. Representatives. They are humans. They need not be treated like VIPs. They are NOT! It's ridiculous when stretches of roads are blocked, all because one kickass politician is passing by. So? A lot of other COMMON people are also passing by. Do you block roads for them? No you dont. And yes, all politicians who think they're big shots because they are so capable, should really look down the ladder, and see the people who got them there. The people who were tricked into putting their faith in him. And were mercilessly let down. Happens every year. Every day. But that doesnt mean it SHOULD!

It's really sad, that the common man has forgotten that without him, these politicians are NOTHING. The COMMON people of India are the people who GIVE the politicians their power and position! If they didnt elect, if they didnt vote, those big shots would become big shots. Vote.. that's one massive issue. Which I will not be addressing right now. It's just that my mind's doing double takes and working over time to understand WHY a politician would even say that its not power he wants!

If I were a politician, I would say, I WANT POWER. and that is what I will fight for. Because, every day we see examples, of how people without power can do nothing, make no difference. Every day I am told, you dont have the authority to do this and for formality sake, "madam" is added in the end, to dismiss me and my issue. So, sorry folks! I want my power. I want the "authority" to change what people before me, did not, could not, and would not do.
Strange really.. how people fall for things that are wrapped in gift wrapping paper, all shiny and glittery. But they dont once think, that what's inside, could poison them. We can't play the blame game anymore. Because like Rahul Gandhi said (something I really liked.. which STILL means Im very far from politics, because I know nothing of it and I dont support the Congress.. Relax), "I want to open the doors of politics to the youth, to the younger people who can make a difference."

Now that's smart! You really think a chap who's 84, or 78, or 69, can make a difference?? Old people, their ideologies, their ways of dealing with issues, are about a CENTURY old! Get real! We need a younger lot of political leaders. Look at Barack Obama! You cant always curse America. Sometimes, you need to give America credit for the good things it does. Their President Obama, is just an example. There are a lot of other young leaders around the world, but because I dont read, or know about world or Indian politics, I wouldnt know them! All I know is, we need change. And fast. Because I really am tired of waking up to read SMSs exclaiming about bomb blasts somewhere. We need change because terrorists have the audacity to barge into our homes and shoot us down. We need change because climate change is a MASSIVE issue and our political leaders far from KNOW of it. We need change because the illegal wildlife trade has India as a major contributor. We need change because our backbone, our farmers, are killing themselves every day due to frustration. Point is? We need? CHANGE!

Wish you were here..

One of those "low" phases. When all friends are either busy, or so far away that you can lose count of the kilometers between you. And at times when you realize you need the best of them around you, with you, circumstances and that miscreant called Life are conspiring and trying their best to keep your friends away from you.
One of those times when you're literally "all by yourself" and have to deal with whatever comes alone. Without faltering , without shaking your confidence. You've to deal with situations with immense patience and use your brain while convincing your heart that you will see better times ahead. A few months ago, I would have been the person to not do any of this patience stuff. I guess, the way people have behaved, over the last few months have made me realize that it only helps to have patience built within. Sometimes, it can be a surprising weapon. When no one expects you to show patience regarding something, and you miraculously do, its called the "element of surprise".
But anyway, every time you think that may be, just may be, life's going to start being fair from now on, and that you can finally make concrete plans for the next 2months.. one little change in your "schedule" comes in the picture and subsequently ruins your entire plan... your hopes and your dream of being , finally, with the people you love and in the places you love. There are no Angels, no Miracles, no God is here to help you out of this. To hoist you out of this deep deep well of silent frustration, there is no knight in shining armor, or any armor!! There is absolutely no one who can reverse some things that happen. And they keep you away from the people, places, and things you love the most. And there is NOTHING you can do, except sit and mope around, and crib about it, OR lock yourself in the bathroom for 2hours and just look into your own eyes in the mirror and believe in yourself. Believe in the possibility that you can and will make it out of this. This situation, that to the world, is so trivial, but to you, means the world.
This stupid turn of events, that you never did foresee, but it came anyway, unexpected, like a void in your life. And to stop it from making your life and you feel empty, and like an outcast, all you can do, is ... be patient. Believe. Believe. and Believe.
In yourself. In your own statement , that - "the only one with the power to bring change to my life and my mission and passion, should be and always will be, ONLY me!" And to throw this line in the face of Destiny , and without a slang word or a feisty Karate kick, just walk away.
Thing is, it really doesn't help, if, through all of this, your friends aren't with you... those of them who can understand the situation, those of them who are capable of making you feel alive and remain yourself in the face of adversity, they're just not here... and that's when you add to your playlist that song that was made for this situation.
This is when you find yourself listening to Pink Floyd's - Wish You Were Here... or Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World... over n over again. ... Wishing, that miraculously, somehow, those you wished for, might just land up beside you when you open your eyes.
Apparently not.. well anyway, at least you know that you're learning how to be patient, even though that volcano in you is boiling and raging within, covered with the lid of being alone.

This one's for you Dad... someone who's always been with me.. please come back.. After ages, I really need someone.

Bulldozing through my home

Was just going through the Save Tadoba website. Reading the articles in the press, and it got me thinking that it's so tragic that everyone right from the top officials of the Forest Ministry, Central and State both, to the guards and moreover the unaware common man are proving to be more of a danger to our natural remaining reserves than a help. Either for money, or for the fame, for plain sadistic maybe too, but then the common man, simply unaware. And hence, totally not bothered.
There are so many things happening in our country that are an out an out destruction sign. First for the wilderness of that area, and then eventually, for the people. And of these so many things, we know of so few! Everyone is so busy being ignorant, that I guess people have forgotten that today, every single person needs to start looking out for Planet Earth, coz if we don't, then we are definitely losing our home.
If someone suddenly decides that your house is built where there are some xyz million tonnes of coal underneath it, and they want that coal, coz they're greedy human beings. And let's say they land up with a bulldozer and bombard through your house, your home, your belongings, shelter, everything, and rake up the ground, dig it up, set up a mine there, and meanwhile tell you, "Oh we got permission from the "Ministry", so we knew you were going to die. Sorry, cant do anything about it!" ...When will we realize that all living beings have and need a home. Not just us. "the superior" morons. The wild animals and plants need their shelter and food and homes. Just digging them up and exploding them with dynamites, is highly unethical and irresponsible. It's very wrong.
And Im in full support of those NGOs and individuals who are standing tall and defending our Planet. Our land. Our wilderness. They need all the support possible. And you could be a part of that possibility.
www.savetadoba.org is where you need to be if u dont know what Im talkin bout.

Crocs, Coffee, and Crisis

The fight season has begun and my family is in its annual (or rather monthly) mood of fighting with each other. Of course that doesnt exclude me! Why should I stay away from the "fun"? So then the first fight of the "season" was mom v/s me. Lots of stuff said, lots of tears (on her side), and one very shocked grand mother.. :- Anyway, so things went on, and I finally, to prevent myself from hurling something at either of those two, walked out. I chose my favourite getaway hide-out, and there began the story that lead to this title. Crocs, Coffee, and Crisis. :)
So Im sitting, with a glass full of steaming hot black coffee (ahh the joy that is black coffee!), with one simple instruction to the waiter - keep 'em coming after every 15minutes of the earlier one getting over. :) Poor thing got shocked! And Ive got an old issue of Sanctuary Asia with me, so Im reading about Indian reptiles, and naturally, the first thing I turned to, was the Croc part. So I thought, why not use my time away from mad people, and make some notes? There I was for the next 3 hours, sitting, making notes, on Crocs of India, old records etc., and sipping on coffee, and listening to Sultans of Swing.. pretty much in Dire Straits myself! And somewhere in the middle of my entire concentration, when I got high on the coffee, I suddenly went back to thinking of the "Crisis" part of it all.
Now there are two parts to this Crisis Im talking about. One is the Wildlife crisis as regards Reptiles, and more particularly, Gharials. The second, was the one happening in my house.. ! By now, all of us in that house are used to such crazy fights and not talking to each other for months. It's a mad family. But anyway, I was wondering what to do, to keep myself out of the house at most times for the next 3 days. When I realized that there's a lot I could really do, the sheer amount of that 'lot" scared me, so immediately other plans had to be made.
The thing is, I never knew how crazy this combo would get. Crocs, Coffee and Crisis. One works great with the others. That 3 hours was very important. Made me realize how important it is to distance oneself from family issues that spoil ur brain working module. For the last 2 yrs Ive been trying to distance myself from these jokers. Succeeding to some extent. And now with just one more year left to complete Graduation, I shall be on my way in no time! :) My way. Ah that feels good to say.
There was no particular reason to put up this article here at all. Just that I felt that the few regulars who read this blog, and happen to know me, should know whats keepin me busy and preventing me from keeping in regular contact with them. So now, while two more fights have begun, it's time for yet another episode of Coffee with the Croc Crisis! :D Karan Johar should give up man!! :D This show's way better!

People...?

Sometimes things really confuse me, sometimes, they amuse me, but more often these days, they surprise me. It surprises me how people think about certain topics and issues. Maybe its the old school of thought and stuff. but considering this is the 21st century, thoughts really ought to be in connection to the times we're in. Especially my field. Since i obviously cannot talk of anyone else's field.
Wildlife. Oh wow! Such a different field! How nice! So what are your career prospects? These are the same bunch of folks who'd once told me, "tera kuch nahi hone wala". You will never be able to do anything in this field. And this, from people who became doctors and engineers only coz they had no ambition in life. Sheeesh! I cant help it if I knew what I wanted to do right since the beginning of being able to think for myself. My father asked me today "Why dont u join Politics?" My answer was a frank ,"Because Ive better things to do in my life." And then he said, Politicians are the sweepers of society, they clean everything up..etc.etc.. I openened my mouth to say something, but then realized, Im just not going to be allowed to speak, IM not going to be heard and understood, Im going to be blidly woven off as the "little child who knows nothing". So I decided, to keep shut about it. I dont know why it's so hard for older people to accept that their kids, or kids for that matter, can have their own view points which they might really want to express and they may even be logical. Sadly, this is again one example of lack of communication. When your friends hear you out, and so do a lot of people you've only just known to exist, but your family doesnt, it kind of gets to me. Over the years, Ive drifted further and further away from them. When they want to be heard, its all got to be loud n clear. But when it's me, coz Im the youngest in the family, it all has to be "hurry up, ive got work to do". So you know what, you go do your work, Its obviously more important than listening to your own child! And then how can they even claim that they "know" me. As sad as it is, (I honestly cannot find a more apt word), my family is the bunch of people who really does NOT know me. They have hardly even seen more than 20% of me. It's probably Mom who has a slight idea at least.
So yeah, getting back to the main thing, I always wonder why people think the way they do. Maybe its the way they were brought up, what and where they studied, also who they studied with, because people around you, tend to affect you too. And then, their families, friends, work places, and obviously, personal experiences had. All of this amounts to the making and moulding of a person I guess. But then why do so many people, brought up in different atmospheres, educated in entirely contrasting places and conditions, think so alike sometimes? Why are there only some people we can relate to and associate with, without hesitating to be ourselves? Why do we wear masks around others? Why are people so confusing? And this is exactly why I prefer to not talk to certain people, not waste my time and energy in trying to explain to them what I know they arent going to listen carefully to- because they baffle me. They're all intelligent people, educated in good schools, brought up well. They are not bad people at all. They're good at heart. But even then, why dont they understand things that are so simple otherwise? Why does everyone want to complicate things? Why do people want the satisfaction and pride of being able to handle and understand complicated and complex things? When understanding simple stuff itself is proving to be such a challenge worldwide! Very strange really..
But I guess over time, this whole confusion will fade, and things will seem more practical. Or maybe these people will realize that they've just not been thinking for all this while.
There are those people who think "Oh she's in a different field, Must have had it really easy if she's still in it, otherwise she would have been fallen flat" Sheesh! Did you ever think, maybe she didnt have it easy? Maybe she had to work her ass off to get where she is, and to stand tall and be proud to say that I really AM doing something good, unlike the hypocrites who build skyscrapers and use glass panel exteriors, those people who use the A/C in the winters, and stilll leave the door open, those people who leave lights on only coz they're rolling in money anyway. Maybe what I had to go through at my age, is far tougher than what any of these guys had to do to get where they are, coz "baap ki daulat" is their thumb rule. Mine is simply "khud ki izzat". I did not have anyone I knew in this field when I entered it. I didnt have any financial backing and I still dont. I never knew how to teach kids. I had to learn a lot of "to-go" things to be able to set myself right. My father isnt a bigshot with money stashed under the floormat. My only thought is, that if you cant accept that a 19yr old from a middle class family has done the things she has without any help from anyone whatsoever, then you just need to bloody start using that rusty brain. And I dont want appreciation. I dont want people going all praises. Its utter crap. You understand my work, and show some interest, I'll be ever nice to you. But you act like a moose and give me your "Im greater than you" air, then I'll have you up your own!
People... are basically just very weird!! Some frsutrating, some adorable, some very understanding and true, some with you since you've been nothing, right till the end, through all your major break-throughs, some who will come when the weather's good, some who will want to bask in your glory, some who just simply dont give a damn, some who are genuine, some pesky, and others just too many.. But Im glad, that even in this frightful world of people, I have had the luck of having with me, the BEST of the gems! Each and everyone is special in their own way. As a friend, mentor, companion, partner, each and everything. Im proud to say that everyone in my closed and close circle of people is a true gem! And I treasure each one of them for not being the kickass types! :) Thanks guys for always having been there..and stood strong with me whenever Ive needed you!

Return to Chambal

This article is not long overdue. It is not an obligation to any reader. It is a simple self-satisfaction article that I wanted to write. It maybe extremely disoriented in parts, it maybe very odd in others, fact remains that it still is what I wanted to put up.
I re-visited the Chambal this year. It's been the second visit in the same year. And might I say that I did not expect even 5% of what happened. Right from the time we boarded the train at Mumbai Central, to the time we got off at Sawai Madhopur. Going on field, beginning the expedition, and the 19days after that. All totally unexpected.
The Gharial Expedition was conducted again from 17th to 26th December 2008. For which, we left from Mumbai on the 14th. Suyash, Arjun, Mittal, Anupriya and myself, were going together. Little did ANY of us know that the time we'd spend in the next 22 days would bring us closer than we'd ever imagined. The train journey saw us getting along brilliantly. It was like a near perfect blend. Just one thing was missing. We reached Sawai Madhopur on the 15th , met the man that is the inspiration behind at least 3 of us. And on reaching the Tiger Watch office at Maa Farm, we found that one missing thing. Ruchik. The member who completed the team. There we were. Standing in a line. The Gharial Expedition Dec.08 Team. Proud people from various Indian cities. With one goal. One aim. And loads of enthusiasm.
We spent the first two days at office. Orientation, and homework. Before setting off on the expedition, we'd need to know a lot of things, and do a lot of things. With Doc as our mentor, there wasn't a chance of leaving something out. I truthfully do not wish to write about Doc in this article, because I do not have words to describe him and even if i did, it's a very personal opinion, not to be put online. Anyway, so the first two days were spent in and around Maa Farm and a visit to the Mogiya Boys' Hostel and the first two nights were spent in tents outside the office! :) The first evening, we were joined by Raghav from Delhi who would be accompanying us for the first 5days of the expedition.
The next day, after some scary screw ups by me, we reached Pali (a village where the River Parbati meets our dear Chambal). We were on an island which we fondly named Pratincole Island as there was a flock of Pratincoles on it. And then, we boarded the boat. All of us in bright orange life jackets, with binoculars around our necks, and cameras, note books and pens ready to start jotting down notes. Birds, birds, birds, birds... and then finally one Mugger! (distinctly referring to the Crocodile species and not the people who loot other people). A few kilometers down the river, and someone claims to be seeing a Mugger in the water. With binocs firmly in place, we scan the said spot, and conclude that it is something very odd, floating in the water, belly upwards. And in a moment it strikes! I involuntarily open my mouth and say "It's dead!"
Every one falls silent and stares just at that one spot. The boat approaches. Closer and closer... And it's definitely some Crocodilian. Either a Mugger or a Gharial. Reality got in real slowly. We got right next to the animal and from the belly scales, the only feeling i had was that of tears welling up. Gharial. It was so definitely going to be a Gharial. We used an oar to very lightly push it towards the bank and with a lot of difficulty, trying not to injure or break any part of it's already rotting n stinking body, managed to get a little on the bank. And well, yes. It was a Gharial. The first Gharial of the Gharial Expedition, Dec.2008. And it's dead. I cannot even begin to describe the atmosphere then. Urgency filled the air. We called the Forest Dept. , and WWF folks and the FD was going to send a Ranger there ASAP. We took photos, speculated, roughly measured it, and then after some asking around, left.
Proceeding towards Rameshwaram, we got off on reaching, had lunch, and then Doc, Chourey Saab, GSR left. We then unloaded our luggage from the Jeep, and made stacks inside the Forest Chowki at Rameshwaram. We spent the next 9 days on field, camping in the same villages we had visited and camped in during the previous expedition. Rameshwaram, to Shankarpura was our first day of walking. And it was worse than anyone expected. We had charted out an approximate 10kms as the distance between the 2 villages. But we jst freaking kept walking! The last 5 kms was through the ravines in pitch darkness. No torches allowed for the fear that the dacoits would get the better of us, and hence, we ended up crashing through thorns, ditches, sand, stones, cutting ourselves, spraining each ankle at least thrice, falling, slipping, and STILL standing up to go each time. This was my team. Determined. To prove itself against ALL adversities. With the porters shit scared, and then a tiny squabble between them n us, after getting things back on track, two hours later, we were at a house... when we looked around, we realized, we were at the village! And then the shouting that we did, was something none of us can forget. For the next 4 days, our legs were protesting, but we'd have none of it.. We'd just keep going! And the spirit was beyond brilliant. Each one determined to get through alive till the end. And we then reached our camping spot, checked our legs. I was bleeding, cut and bruised, coz as "team leader" i took it upon myself to go up front, and so everything that came, went through me. The brave twosome of Suyash and Ruchik kept the rear end. A tough job! Did it extremely well. Mittal, Anupriya and Arjun, with falling, more falling/sprains and stomach cramps respectively showed courage just fighting everything off to make it there. Raghav was simply superb! No complaints! He was the one checking whether the rest were ok. :) Little Superman.
And well, by the end of the expedition, which also, came all of a sudden, we had some smashing data! Gharials, Muggers, Skimmers, Ospreys, water pumps, ferry boats, Fishermen! All counted! And all mapped! Our encounter with the apparent dacoits, and in the words of the porters (who were terrified to the bone!), "badmaash aadmi" ; made us cancel our next 2 days of the expedition. And then Doc had to come pick us up te next day. Bidding goodbye to the Chambal over a sunset, was probably the worst thing Ive had to do in terms of letting something go.. Didnt want to. But the Team's safety came first. So, well, that ended the expedition. And Ive probably not cried like I did that day, ever!
The feeling of leaving "home" came over and haunted me thoroughly! So with a lot of difficulty and consoling I finally realized, its ok, I will come back again! This expedition has me proud coz basically, I take away the credit of having chosen a great team. A mad team :) A wonderful bunch of grinning idiots. :) Ha! Now in the words of Doc, we're the "Gharial ke bachhe" :) So the Team G shines. And most importantly, the kind of info we got, was very good. In comparison to what a non-professional bunch of students could do, we did very well. And in spite of all my screw ups, I still stood tall for myself. Did not lose respect for myself.
We spent our time back in Sawai Madhopur, giving 2 presentations, one to a camp visiting Ranthambhore, and the other at Khem Villas. We were in the newspapers, and the Dead Gharial report was making waves. Unfortunately, not in the Forest Dept. though. Coz we saw no monitoring in the river happening even after we reported the dead Gharial. 10 days and no monitoring. Sad. Things need to improve drastically. People, not just the locals, but EVERY one, needs to be made aware of who and what the Gharial is, and why it is important for our survival! Because, sadly, unless you provide man with an incentive to safe himself, and behave selfishly, man does nothing! No one will save the Gharial because they love the animal, or the Chambal, but they'll do it to safe mankind. And its too late to change this attitude in adults, but kids. Now they can just start to mould their thinking from a young age if you feed it into their minds slow and steady and shockingly. They are what your future team will be. Awarness is a huge deal here. People think they know about the Tiger crisis. But even that, is just a portion of what reality is. Then compare the Gharial. Poor things not even famous enough yet! And it needs as much support as it can get, from dedicated individuals. Not those looking to make name or fame out of this 'game'. I know beggars cant be choosers and we have to accept whatever we get as "help". But thats exactly why we are NOT beggars. We're a team. And with or without the bureaucrats, we will still do this. For as long as we have our one Miracle Man with us, (Doc), nothing is too far to achieve!
So cheers Team G! We're on.. We need our Chambal and it needs us!

India - shaken, AND stirred

I'd made up my mind- I will NOT write about this incident. I will not write or say anything about what I feel about it to anyone, on any blog, site, or community thread. And I lived up to it. Till just this morning. When, once again, the Times of India was covered with bold headlines and that heart wrenching information. I still don't want to write because I dont know why I should. There's so much being written about this that as it is, people have an overload. And not that I dont want to write! I definitely do! But it's just that I dont think people will want to read my blog and what I have to say, because Im a nobody. Face it. Im not a star or a politician that people will come listen to what Im saying. And its not like Im an expert at this stuff so they should all pay attention to what Im going to have to say, BUT, I get the satisfaction that maybe some day, someone will stumble upon this blog and go back feeling responsible. Im choosing my words very carefully at this point- NO im not scared of how I sound. Im scared that a word maybe less impactful than another one. I want to make a big impact here. That's the point. And with the hope that someday I will, Im going to write at least part of what I feel.
I dont remember the exact time when the first waves of the Mumbai terror attack struck. I dont know where they first happened. What i DO know is, Ive taken whatever happened, very personally. And give me ONE reason why I shouldn't! It's my country! Whether it is my hometown that blew apart or not, it IS my native people who were ripped. And ANY country facing something like this, should make it a point to take the strongest and hardest measures.
When someone I know tells me his house vibrated because some jackass blasted a bomb near by, I wake up, put on the TV, and what I see, shocks me. There are no tears. No blood is coming out of me. But Im just as exasperated as some other citizen of my country would be. Im not the one who's been shot, Im not the one who's lost a close person (phew!!), Im not the one with the bullet proof vest and a gun storming into a building to take on the cause of this chaos. A sense of respect, frustration, anger, MASSIVE anger, sorrow, and then disrespect fills me, in that order.
One thing I'm glad about is, that finally, India accepted that no matter how many attempts you make to reconcile with someone, things dont work out, if the other party is only pretending, but not taking some action. Unfortunately, Pakistan really IS playing a part in this. And no, im not advocating a war of words or something. But what's so awfully VISIBLE, cannot and should not be denied. And NO im not anti-Muslim. I have wonderful friends who are Muslims, and tomorrow if anyone accuses them of being terrorists, I'll murder that person. And then I will be the terrorist. I cannot have people just randomly accusing my friends only because they're of a particular religion. And honestly, you think that among the people who died in the WAR on Mumbai and India in the last 3 days, no one was a Muslim? So please, stop being racist or whatever the word is, just bloody open your eyes. It's high time that someone takes a step and boldly addresses problems we HAVE. India's Muslims are VERY much our own!! Pakistan however, is nothing close!
We really don't need people creating more problems right now than there already are! I mean our Politicians. I think, you know, Politician should be declared a different religion. Because somehow, they're the blind asses that DON'T see what's happening to OUR country. When Narendra Modi hops into the scene of drastic security, and announces a "compensation" of 1 crore to xyz, it's kinda distracting! I told you, Politician. The people with NO hearts, little sense, and hardly any common sense! What's happening there, and what's he saying, no idea! It's a freaking terror attack. get OUT of there and stop harping about how sad and hurt you are. let the defences do their job and keep SHUT! but no! He think money would sooth the victims' families. Because obviously, they died coz they wanted to see their folks drowning in currency notes na? Jeeez, i mean come ON! What kind of jerk sits and starts a politics game right in a middle of this!?
And that word they keep using -"resilience". WHAT?? You EXPECT Mumbai and India to be resilient about terrorist attacks and not say anything and "bounce back" like they "always have"?? Get the point mate- we've always ignored and moved on, but how much more?! How much more do you want this country to endure? Its being blasted from North to South and West to East along its extent! And you WANT resilience?? Are you BLIND? Or downright crazy??
You should be saying, "This time on, no resilience, dont just take it in and move on, STAND up to it and FIGHT!". Dude, this is a WAR! That those cowardly bastards have started against us. You want to look like a wimp and sit and bounce back, sure, go ahead. We're not with ya mate. We're going to see this END and we're going to fight it off. No blind moron is ever going to enter this country with intentions of cracking it. It's not a cardboard box. Its a COUNTRY with people in it! And those people that are not politicians, have hearts!
Foreigners are dying, our people are dying, security folk are dying, and you're standing and offering money!!??!! Will it take losing a loved one in this sort of thing for you to give up on madness and join the sense brigade? How much more!? How many more deaths? This isn't a natural calamity. It's a planned destruction! A planned murder! Of our country and that spirit! Which , im sorry, will NOT be resilient any more! So you can go back to your A/c office and NOT do anything about it, as usual, while you see your people die on TV on your flat screen plasmas, and we will take up charge. By the time you get up for lunch, or lunch is brought to you, your cook will have been shot. But that's ok, you;ll hire another one right? Can't you people just SEE the AMOUNT of damage this has done to us for so many years and now this!
The flaws in the Government are gaping holes. And no amount of concrete coverage will cover them. They're a cavity. And no matter how many times you fill it in, it's going to erode again. Because your covering material is wrong. Your attitude is wrong. YOU are wrong!
In complete self awareness, I would like to state, that I did register to be able to vote, but you know what, here's my decision, Im going to vote for - NOBODY. Till the time this country gets someone sensible, till the time I can trust someone here, I WILL NOT VOTE. Because, I dont want to feel guilty that I elected someone who failed my country again! And comments on what people feel about me not voting are downright unwelcome coz it's no one else's business.
You have NO idea about how to deal with your people, you think money solves death for cryin out loud! So learn, and then earn (votes).
As for the rest of what I feel (oh yeah there's MUCH more), - that will not be coming up here as of now at least. Its too personal to go up for the world to read.
- The End - (or maybe just starting from scratch)

ReadyMade Knowledge

Someone just asked me something, and while answering, I happened to think over this weird aspect of human questions. This is entirely in connection to Indian wilderness and nothing else. So anyone reading this for a hope of something else, may discontinue reading or continue without expecting things.
Someone I know just asked me, "what do u find in _____ ?" (fill that blank with the name of any wildlife place u want). I started typing when I thought ," why?! why should I be telling him what he can find there?" I mean yes, fact that i do know means i can tell him. But why? Why go with a predefined idea of which animal can be found where? There are different takes on this. if you're going somewhere for a specific reason, like data collection or photography or filming, then yeah, you need to know what comes where. Lekin if you just want to go because you want a change and you want to go back to the wilds for some wildlife sightings, then you should be prepared to take in whatever the wilderness has to offer you. Whether it be a wasp or it be 12ft long Python! Why go with the ReadyMade Knowledge in the first place?
Dont u want the mystery to be alive when u go? The excitement? from personal experience, when I go someplace without expecting a particular species, every thing I see excites me. Even a caterpillar! Coz the fact is, it's there! Whether you see a Tiger or not, the moth is still there! Its still a wild creature. Except in size. So does size really matter? Truth is- yes it does. Why?! Because we care only about what our eyes perceive as "great". The mighty Tiger they say. Man I'd say a wasp that can kill ya, is worse off than that Tiger. So whether its a speck or a mammoth sized animal, point is, how you perceive it. And i use the word "perceive" purposely. Because we THINK that what we see is reality. However, the opening of eyes happens only once you've lived within the forest long enough to understand its functional details.
I use the term "ReadyMade Knowledge" because thats exactly how it is. People want readymade information on something. When they themselves can make an effort and answer their questions themselves, they still want to look dependent or worse, BE dependent. They wont once consider actually stepping out feeling vulnerable not knowing anything, and coming back with a sense of mini-triumph at having learned something on their own! Thats a terrific feeling. Gives you a certain high.
What is the point of going to Bandhavgarh knowing that Im going to see B2 and Chorbehra? What if i go and i DONT see them? Isnt that a let down? So then why "know"?? As it is, someone else has told you "what you will find there", so its easy to blame that soul if you dont find those animals, but its even easier to lose respect for a potentially LOADED place. Thats what happens to most people. They dont give their ambitions a chance! They dont give their choice a chance! They choose to go some place and when they find nothing, (firstly, they're not looking...they're expecting. thin line of difference), so when they find nothing, they came back disheartened and the next time they choose another place. Understandable if you really made a giant effort and then lost out. Even then, Indian wildlife doesnt come on a platter (unless you eat it!), So it pays to keep your mind, eyes, and ears open!
If I go to Tamhini and dont find that Bamboo Pit Viper, I wont be disappointed, because I'll know I tried. And even then, I know it's there! Somewhere. Unless the tragic road killed it.

Sometimes, giving youself that chance, to go explore, to go find out, to go experience the difference, realllllly helps! And sometimes still, making a choice also is a step forward. To being independent. Crediting your finds to yourself and not to someone else's handed down knowledge, is definitely worth a try!
Polish your wings, and fly for yourself. Dont ask for a nudge or a push. Confidence is the key!

Time to Change

I'd initially added a question mark at the end of the title of this article. But as I thought about it more, it came to me, that it's not a question at all that Im asking here. It's a statement Im making. Expressing my point of view. I feel it IS time to change. Time to change the way you think. Time to change the way you narrow your line of thought down to just one person' point of view. Time to change that now. Im not saying it's time to become a different person. It's just good to walk with the changing times and the new age thoughts.
There are some people who will just stay fixed to their opinions on some things. And it's very frustrating if, as the time passes, their scope of thought only gets narrower day by day. Because then no matter what you say, it becomes very tough to convince them that there does EXIST at least 4(random number) other points of view.
There is one such person I know of. Who is a lovely person on the whole. Just that when her thought process comes into the light, it kinda gets tricky. Coz if you're convincing a 47 yr old that what you're saying isnt just based on "self-righteousness" but instead, on facts and logical reasoning, it is going to be one complicated procedure! I mean, at such times, you come to sucha frustrated peak level where you forget the good points of this person in front of view who is turning a blind eye to a practically opaque and blindingly bright topic. At the end of an exchange of firey words and phrases, you finally decide its best to let such people live in their divinely knit world of wonders.
In a similar, but much more intense situation, Im finding myself wishing once again, that I wasnt living in a place where people just wait to strangle someone else's freedom. Whoever it may be. It can be the civic authorities not allowing you to exercise your esteemed right/s (just an example!!), it can be the educational institutions who take their pay cheques for even the crappiest of facilities and knowledge, but manage to fail to give anything back at all. It can be family, who inevitably tries to push and pull you into that horrifying circle of "social responsibility". I wish these folks could define social responsibility. I mean, not wanting to attend a certain person's marriage or not wanting to meet family members after ages suddenly becomes anti-social. Fine! I'm like that. How hard is it to understand that maybe, someone just does not like to mix with certain kind of people!? I dont like people who only gossip about how bad someone else is and laugh like inherent witches.
It feels extremely suffocated. When people are trying to pull you one way and another, just to get you to do what they want you to, not even thinking once, about what YOU want to do. And when it's people like me, who will still stand upto it and say "No!", then these self-proclaimed socially responsible people throw a bunch of insults, taunts, and looks at you, making you feel like moving to some place where people dont give shit about society. Unfortunately not a lot of such places exist! However, there is that eternal "escape" solution.
And yes, there apparently IS a silver lining to a dark cloud. Because, even though such tragedies exist(in terms of the way people think), you always have that eternal excuse to leave the city,country or even continent for "further education". (Disclaimer: In my case, it aint no excuse! it's an actual reason!I can think of better excuses.) Im just tired. Tired of people thinking that they have the right to exploit someone else's freedom, someone else's way of thinking and personality.
Im fed up of people handing out orders and expecting things to be done at the stroke of the new day. fed up of people thinking they can just stretch someone's patience and willingness to help to a limit beyond which it signals the END of even the smoothest relationships. It's time to change. From the eternal "do-gooder for others" to the selfish person who makes at least some time for herself before being piled with emotional, physical and mental problems - of other people!! I'm sorry, I hereby declare that I will not entertain anyone's bullshit henceforth. I got my own life. And anything that takes a toll on that, is highly unwelcome. You want help, get in line. Or at least, be deserving of the help. Dont just call up once in 3 years and say "Hey, could you please do this for me?" and using the environment as an excuse to get work done is cheap. Downright stinking cheap!
P.S. - the above vent of frustration does not apply to F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - it applies to everyone apart from them! Even to family. You guys think you can insult someone on their face for a decade and then expect a very nice person in return? oh go get real! Have the b***s to go and do things yourself.
~~ That's All Folks!! ~~

Think before going to the Brink

Then there are those people who fail to use their main functional weapon of mass destruction : their brain. The people who just CANNOT understand things no matter how much u try and explain. You fight, over some shitty trivial "issue" and then one person decides to let ego come in between. Thats when it all goes kaboom. Even men dont have as much ego as this particular person! And until now, it was being used in the right ways. All of a sudden, things swerve around and your trying to figure out which part of anything of this was your fault!! Someone comes and blames you for something so highly stupid you dont even want to laugh, and then restricts the number of people and the time you can meet them at. For someone like me, thats craziest thing to do to me! And when things are said about my "dog" then, its beyond my patience level. I wouldnt fight otherwise, and very rarely do i take the first step towards a reconciliation, but when opposite parties do not wish to reconciliate after claiming to be your "best friends", its a highly sad situation. You can use words. But u cant make sure their brain processes them. Hard luck. For them. They're losing out on one of the most "i can do anything for my friends" types of people.

Someone who cant tell the difference between egoistical behaviour and possessiveness, and friendship and chocolate bars... certainly deserves to be sent to me for lessons! I refer to chocolate bars because u dont even need effort to break them apart. As opposed to that, consider Friendship. My most divine word. And that too today, the day of Dad, this whole nonsense erupts..and out the balcony goes my Organic Chemistry text book. (Not literally)..i was only wishing! Anyway.. Steve Irwin Day ending on not-so-good note. However, chances of other party coming to senses seeming a little teeeensy weensy bit up now. Without expecting much, this extremely annoyed and in awe lady signs off.

A little less..

This day has been really weird. Since Ive been up, stuff has gone pretty "right". Whiskey didnt awaken the neighbourhood with her barking, the weather was wonderful, the film I saw was very touching for certain reasons. But thats when it twisted. Its a terrifying feeling Im having right now. This horrible void. Which used to once be, the throne of the people I valued the most. Folks I called friends. We used to have a rapport that would most often than not, end up being the subject of everyone's envy. Something we were all proud of.
I still yearn for those days...those moments. When my friends were my own. When only I had a right, an authority over them. The days when the word "guarantee" had a genuine meaning. I could guarantee that no matter what happened, these people would never leave me and walk away. They were my pillars of everyday life, and thats a big thing to be to someone. Someone like me at that. Someone who rarely trusts, and when she does, she does so with immmmmense care. These guys have been such strengths for me at such terrible times. Looking back at those times now, they dont seem as terrifying as they did then, because now I have another way of thinking about them and their solutions. Back then, anything happened, and I'd just want to be with these guys..and then out the window went all problems.
I wonder why people forget the feelings they were once capable of having. Wonder why they fail to understand that friendship doesnt come with a "Best Before" date. Wonder why there are just these certain specific people who can be what they are. Why there is no one else that fill in for or replace those people. Why there isn't someone who just one day, walks by, ends up becoming your good friend as years pass, somehow makes a new position in ur life and heart for him/her self, but never occupies those empty positions. Guess I know why, coz those empty positions are actually lying in wait for their original occupants, that one day that jackass you used to cook for or who used to pick u up from the other end of the world will turn up for you, and make you feel like a Queen again. Someone who would never think twice before getting up and coming to get you. Or being your escape route if your life sucked big time, or who cared for you and loved you more than he would himself[ok ok..at least more than he would his girlfriends!! :-) ] Its a different deal to have these champs around. You'll never see them doing for anyone else, the ridiculous things they do for you!! You'd never see them even looking at you if some amazing chick was around.. then you'd be the salad. But if at that very moment, you slipped n fell, these would be the guys to be there and help you up and they'd be the ones gunning for you when the rest of the world is trying to make sure you lose your job! Dreamy thoughts. But well.. never mind! Im actually wishing I had these nuts around right now.. they have an uncanny knack of making u feel triumphant and amazing about yourself! :-)
The first time we met. The way we got along. The kind of things we would do to get to that phone and talk to each other. If anybody else called while we were asleep, we'd turn deaf but if it was either of us, we'd pick up and go, "Heyyyy!!!" , like nothing better could have ruined your sleep! Like there was no one else who was more qualified to claim most of your time than your best bud. The number of times Ive had to hear "You're one of the guys..you dont qualify as one of them" when you were ranting and raving about how horrible girls are! Do you have ANY idea how weirdly cosy that felt? The things you'd say, you never realized how much they meant! But to see me smile again, you turned from superman to clown to stupid blind fool to everything else! The number of times we've been kerchiefs for each other, or just massive support systems.. the number of virtual coffees we've sent each other, the late night conversations that went into the wee hours of the night, without us even noticing the time, the urge to speak to each other even when one of us was in some petrifyingly far away land and even then, discuss what we ate for lunch! These moments have been some of the best times Ive ever put down as memories in my mind. And thanks to each of you.. Life's been a ripper! ... Really wish you were all here..!
Maybe some people do have a "Best Before" tag in their minds when they make friends.. Perhaps.. you never know. Whatever be the case, right now though, Im just wishing my friends come back.. coz guys, right now, I really need you. Miss you three. I want my 'ol buddies back.. :-(
Without u guys, everything seems different. Incomplete. The light seems less bright. The rains are less wet, the winds dont seem to swirl around as usual. Those ambitions seem so much fader now.. the moments... our moments.. just fading away.. :-( Its like the time has stopped right now... to wait for you to come. Its like everything is right here. It's all there. But there's a little less of everything. They say distance makes you grow fonder.. I still dont know how true that one is. Wonder what this is all about. That madness, the things we'd do together. Things we'd talk about. That selflessness, that urge to always be there for one another. And the fact that we never needed to be told to do something for each other. It had all just fallen in place. But packing up and leaving wasnt such a great idea. Yes there are amazing friends I have today. But Im left wondering everytime I hear,see,feel, experience anything reminding me of you, that "why are you not here??" Chuk the hide n seek now fellas.
Today, when people dont even care about each other, there are these gems that still exist.. Somewhere.. and im hoping, Someday, I'll find them again. and We'll have our times back.
.. Pranav, Ram, Rishi and Manan..(in order of arrival..).. Miss you guys !!!